Kindness. The idea of the golden rule. Treat others the way you’d like to be treated. I am sure we’ve all heard the phrase and thought that yes, of course it is all about others. What we can do to be kind to others. While that is true, doing something for others also comes back around and impacts us in some way. If you are like what are you even talking about? Then, hold that thought, and read on:
Why am I so passionate about service?
Well, in October of 2011, my older sister was hospitalized for about a month for a major brain surgery. This was an exceedingly challenging time for my family, watching her fight for her life. I was only a kindergartner and was so confused as to what was going on. I remember vividly that during mealtime, when visiting the Ronald McDonald House (RMH) within the hospital, one of the people behind the kitchen counter smiled at me when handing a plate to my tiny hands. I smiled kindly, and she served the food to me as I couldn’t reach the tall, marbled table. I noticed that she didn’t wear a badge like the other staff, and I asked my mom about her. Mom explained that she was a “volunteer” who gave her time to make meals for the residents. I then asked, “Do volunteers work for the hospital?” Mom replied, “No, volunteers give their time and kindness for free.” I could not fully appreciate or comprehend the concept of volunteering, but I felt a deep sense of happiness and hope knowing that someone cared enough to be here with us. By the end of November, right after Thanksgiving, my sister had recovered and was discharged to go home. As I was leaving the hospital, I looked back to RMH, where those wonderful volunteers had been serving food. I realized that something within me had changed forever. That FEELING, of support, what Ricky Lawton, associate director at Simetrica Research Consultancy calls a “warm glow” of generosity, is what I felt on the receiving side of kindness.
However, this experience flowed like a ripple effect which led my family to be on the giving side of this experience for the past 11 years. I know my family felt that same support I did when my parents made the decision to serve meals every month following my sister’s discharge at the hospital. They always told me that this was our way to give back to a place that felt like a home away from home during our time of struggle. 11 years later, each and every month when we visited to give back, it always was a new experience. I remember playing instruments with my friends there and families came up to us thanking us for being there. Music truly does have the power of healing, and being able to provide any comfort and support we could, made me feel so fulfilled inside, it brought back the “warm glow” in me.
This “warm glow” feeling that this experience entails, what is it exactly? Looking at it in a scientific perspective, research shows that that “being kind boosts the production of the feel-good hormones (serotonin and dopamine), which give feelings of satisfaction and well-being, and activate the pleasure and reward areas in the brain of the givers and receivers.”( Robyne Hanley-Dafoe Ed.D., Psychology Today).
You see, when we think about what we can do for others, it changes our mindset and cultivates positivity, boosting our well-being. I recall a speech by David Foster Wallace called “This is Water,” where he references that as humans, we have a natural instinct to be self-centered. But taking a step back and recognizing that there is more to the world than us and that we don’t know what others may be going through fosters empathy and respect towards others. And like I mentioned before, showing that kindness and respect for others will come back to us. Or in the case of my story, kindness can create a ripple effect on others. As a volunteer myself, I can definitely say that being of service has impacted my opportunities you get is so inspiring. I’ve met people of all ages when I volunteer, and with each person I met, I took away something inspiring from them.
Now, Wallace and I are not saying we should entirely focus our lives on others to attain self-fulfillment and wellbeing, but it is one half of achieving that goal. The other half comes from showing grace and kindness within us. We all need a break sometime or the other right? Well, even Mental Health First Aid USA agrees by citing a national survey done by Vagaro in an article. It states that, “Americans cited benefits of self-care as: enhanced self-confidence (64%), increased productivity (67%), happiness (71%). From a physical health perspective, self-care also reduces heart disease, stroke, and cancer.” So not only does being kind to ourselves boost our wellbeing and gives us a break, but it also contributes to longevity.
So, I encourage you, do something for yourself and others. even if a small act of kindness such as holding a door, offering a compliment, “petting an animal, or bringing coffee to a colleague, and larger favors, such as helping a friend move,” it can have an impact (Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a professor of psychology and director of the Positive Activities and Well-Being Laboratory at the University of California, Riverside). Whether that impacts 1 person or many, to those people you made the world of a difference and what better feeling is there than that?
If you’d like to learn more, here are some websites I referenced in this blog as well as other reads!
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-self-care-5212781
https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2022/03/how-and-why-to-practice-self-care/
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_volunteering_can_help_your_mental_health
Thank you Vani for sharing how serving and kindness can impact our mental health and others. You are an inspiration to others, and you have such a special heart! I know you have a bright future, and I thank you for sharing your perspective on my site.
