Talking about Mental Health has felt like a touchy topic to me for many years because of society’s and social media’s perception of “always being okay.” When I was six, my father left the picture, so I grew up the youngest of four kids from a single mom. I also grew up with ADHD, which went undiagnosed until my senior year of high school. Then, during my first year of college, I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder, which led to intermittent panic attacks. Being neurodiverse and struggling with anxiety were two significant factors that affected how I handled my mental health in my early life. I am just now learning, at the age of 23, that one of the best ways to change the narrative surrounding mental health is to become comfortable talking about it. Those conversations can be therapeutic for you and helpful for other people, too. I put a lot of pressure on myself to always be okay and created narratives surrounding mental health that kept me from discussing the things that triggered my anxiety. In college, I would have panic attacks in my dark dorm room and not tell a soul. Meeting with a therapist during my senior year of college helped me realize that not only is it okay not to be okay, but it is also okay to speak publicly about the things we struggle with
As a new nurse and Miss Indiana, I aim to present myself authentically in person and on social media alike. In all honesty, the past four months have been challenging as I continue learning how to balance working at Riley Hospital for Children, being Miss Indiana, and making time for myself. There are days when I cry from exhaustion, teeter on the edge of having a panic attack, or wish I simply had nothing to do. But there are numerous other days when I feel on top of the world, filled with gratitude, and exuding joy. The exhaustion or tears sometimes feel unacceptable, and I know I am not alone in this mindset. Oftentimes, pageant titleholders don’t share our bad days; we only share the good moments – our highlight reel. As visible figures, we must be more mindful of the mental health standards we are setting. It is necessary to speak about mental health and share the not-so-bright days so we can all feel seen, heard, and understood.
Mental health can be a complex topic because it is not always about a clinical diagnosis. Yes, I have anxiety attacks and ADHD, but changing the narrative surrounding mental health starts with understanding that we can be anxious and not have an anxiety disorder. We can be sad and not have depression. But if we fail to acknowledge the things that make us feel sad or anxious, then we are only reinforcing the idea that “being okay” is the only way to exist in this world. With or without a clinical diagnosis, it is okay to feel, and it is okay to share what we are feeling in person and on social media. I am still working on removing guilt and understanding that I will have bad days, even as I live out my dream of being Miss Indiana and a nurse. I live by the saying, “It starts with me.” If I want to see the culture surrounding mental health change, I need to work daily to be that change. I want people inside and outside the pageant community to realize we are all a work in progress. None of us are perfect, and by sharing who we are with the world and what we feel, we inspire bravery that can help shatter the negative stigma surrounding mental health for future generations.
Thank you Cydney for sharing your story! It has been a pleasure to grow up with you throughout the years, and I am so inspired by you. You are always true to yourself, and that is something I admire deeply. Thank you for using your platform to help reduce the stigma surrounding mental health!